To my panic attacks. It was 20 years ago this summer my life changed forever and never again would I be the man I once was. I realise now and have accepted the the numerous friendships it has cost me, the potential friendships it has cost me, the personal creative freedom to do what “I do.” There is one hellish price to marching to the beat of your own drummer, though it doesn’t have to be. I guess it just depends on what type of family you have and what sort of support system you have in place.
Twenty fuckin’ years lost. Tho it hasn’t been all bad. There was a time I managed to get some great art from it ~ Brian, Danny, Amber & Damien- I love & miss you guys so much it hurts. I hope one day soon we can meet up, catch up. And just enjoy hanginging out. I’m a mess guys, I need you.
You know the ironic thing in all of this was when the panic attacks hit & I didn’t know what they were, it was so bad my grandparentnts pleaded with me to see a shrink & they’d pay- they were that concerned. My response then was, ” Absolutely not. They’ll put me on dome addictive drug and at some point I’ll have to come off the pill & I’m back st square one. FF 6 years of drastic change and I was crying for Valium. I’ve never had any issue with tranquillisers because I’ve never abused them and I just don’t think my chemical make up leans that way. The yo yo of inconsistent therapy was more harmful than the underlying issues for my anxiety which I’m only recently being given very short glimpses of.
So much wasted, so much lost…It didn’t have to be this way, Valium could have prevented these situations from happening. But THEY don’t want you having it- in the long run they profit more off the heart disease, and other diseases constant anxiety causes. I often wish I’d been aborted.
Damn I wanna grab my B.C. Rich doubleneck bich axe, crank it & the tunes & just rock the fuck out 🤘🏻