It’s no secret that I can’t sleep so along with my usual routine of sleeping medication, I listen to ASMR to help lull me off and it works. In June I found this man who had a glass dip pen and some ink. Long story short, I began buying fountain pens like they were going out of style. Along those lines I began seeing different styles of script and fell madly, hopelessly head over heels with Spencerian Script.
Off I went on my new journey of getting away from the computer and using my hand more to improve my penmanship. I found transcribing songs a good way to work on penmanship, as well as copying famous quotes and lines of poems. So while my own hand is actually imp[roving, the shit they forced on us in school D’Nealian or some such junk over FORTY years ago I’m still having a hell of a tie trying to rid my hand of the girly roundness of it. Looks like bubble letters and I don’t like it. Part of what attracted me to Spencerian is the sharply angular look of it. It just looks beautiful. Had we been given a choice (see, we’ve never been free as people even tho we thought we were) I would, without a doubt, have chosen Spencerian.
It’s been fun but frustrating trying to teach myself from a few books I have. I found a class but have yet to hear back any constructive criticism from the instructor or anyone in the class. So I’ve been doing my own thing. Not getting me any closer but at least I’m putting the expensive tools to use. There’s a handful of calligraphers in my area, none teach…so how the hell do you lean to do this properly and beautifully when they don’t even teach penmanship in school anymore? I don’t like virtual classes, I’m beyond red up with “virtual life” and I need a REAL live, breathing, human instructor with me to tell me when I’m doing good and when I’m fucking up. AM I the only one who thinks the minuses far outweigh the benefits of the internet? It has ruined interpersonal relationships, it is ruined the shopping experience as we knew it (THANKS AMAZON), nobody talks anymore.
Oh and I finally got some answers on my dad. Not only does he have dementia he also has cancer of some sort-not sure if he got the results back, dr .was thinking lymphoma of some sort but cant’ be sure. Father is 80 and in denial (TOTAL denial) so I don’t know if he’s been told. I need Valium as I’m ready to slit my writs from elbow to wrist and no doctor is going to give me Valium. Don’t you love how we get treatment ONLY if they profit from it? There is not ONE SINGLE DOCTOR walking this planet who can look me in the eyes and tell me why I can’t have it…NOT ONE. And I will challenge any of these bastards to think up their most creative…the bottom line is 20 years I’m left ot suffer because they don’t profit off of it and they use the blanket excuse “It’s addictive’ NO IT IS NOT IF USED RESPONSIBLY. I wish every single doctor suffer HALF of what I experience every single day of my life…WEITH NO RELEIF…can’t have their doctor friends writing them scripts for benzos because they can and do…SUFFER LIKE I AM then tell me if you still think Valium’s abad idea. They’re not saving me from anything, they’ve pushed me to suicide. I can barely focus on penmanship in light of recent developments. This is CRIMINAL what they’re forcing me to endure with no relief. CRIMINAL.
Here’s what I did this morning. Not sure it makes any difference to someone who doesn’t do this but used an oblique nib holder, Brause Rose nib and Dr. Ph Martin’s Scarlet Radiance watercolour. (NO NOT PUT THERSE IN A FOUNTAIN PEN)