I thought it was a good idea to update now since I’m sitting up at 12.20 AM on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. Had a mental meltdown this afternoon over something rather minor but in this house, nothing in minor hence why my anxiety has not diminished but actually increased. Only it comes from a different source rather than the 24/7 industrial shit. I’m not going to go into any lengthy bullshit…you all have heard it a million times before and I’m sure you’re sick of hearing it because I’m past sick of ranting about it. Let’s just say right now I’m real sorry I never got a blue Valium tattooed on me. Although….the imp on my left forearm is sleeping under a magic mushroom-you didn’t think I totally eschewed any drug references in my tattoos, did you? Sadly, I think the third and final piece of the trio was smoking an opium pipe. Honestly,I’m NOT a major druggie…but I never anticipated the anxiety I’m suffering with now and the ONLY thing that helped was the Xanax which I’m no longer taking (it works but wears off too fast leaving me back at square 1 and I will NOT multi-dose on it) and I need the Valium to help. I never thought it would be so goddamned hard to feel human. I’m sorry if my constant cries for Valium put people off-if you suffer debilitating anxiety-then you understand where I’m coming from. If you don’t suffer from it, then you have no clue about it. Hopefully I can get switched to the Valium before I suffer a heart attack or stroke in which case there will be lawsuits. I’m trying to PREVENT that which is why I sound like a druggie. If I have a heart attack, I can no longer ride roller coasters and my life is over when that happens. I lost my rock & roll friends and scene-that was taken from me….I lost my mom. I cannot lose coasters or I will have lost the last thing that makes me truly happy. If that happens…I will literally have lost it all.
I have finished one Exploding Rib sock from Wisehilda Knits. You can see the sock in her blog and if you like it, search Ravelry for the pattern. I’m really enjoying this and there’s something very soothing about the ribs in the sock…the way they flow like they do. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of a spider. I dunno. Here’s the sock:
Hard to see the ribs on it. It’s the lighting.
So I was watching one video of Millennium Force on youtube the other evening and found myself siting there with tears in my eyes at how much I miss that coaster. Sometimes it seems like it’s so far off that I’ll never get back on it. I remember sitting having breakfast and tapping my foot wishing Chris would hurry up and finish his breakfast ‘coz I couldn’t wait to get to the park and run to MF. We always made it & I always got my 2-3 rides before the park opened to the public. We’ll be going with 3 friends this summer…that will be awesome. Until then…I dream of Cedar Point and sitting my aging ass on a coaster every night when I go to sleep. It seem so far off…..
OH HELL’S BELLS! I forgot to post a picture I shot last night.Saw this out my bedroom window before I got in bed so I snapped a picture then sat up looking at this in the dark for a while. It was just so peaceful and magical.
Gute Nacht….
now I feel bad, I had no idea my breakfast was holding you up. We could have had breakfast after the 1st hour in the park!
Jerry said: DON’T feel bad. The point was we were never late-we always made it there on time and we always got the early rides in! That’s just the kid in me coming out, you know ‘C’mon…do we HAVE to eat…let’s just GO!” LOL! We always had to wait at the ropes to get in so…it’s fine. You feel bad too easily…stop it.